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Guest Post: Sunflowers by Kirby Peterman

Today, I have a guest post from poet Kirby Peterman about her 2019 poetry collection, Sunflowers.

First, check out the synopsis of the collection:

Sunflowers follows the life of author, Kirby Peterman, through a collection of short stories and poems. As a young Texan, navigating friendships, intimacy, and femininity, she is thrown off course following an experience of sexual assault during her first week of college. The collection shifts as she works through her self-healing journey and crosses paths with those who help her grow. 

Please give Kirby a warm welcome:

Continuing to live after trauma requires daily effort. Through writing with complete transparency, I have found solace in understanding where my own trauma now fits into my story. The outcome is a journey through my life and a deeper understanding of who I am because of, and in spite of, my experiences. I learned to recognize my growth in a way I had never let myself when I tried to forget my past.

I do not know where I am headed in life. I’ve learned that this is not a feeling unique to me and have gained comfort in the limitlessness provided by this ambiguity. Still, the understanding of myself is a gradual one, developing through and sometimes against time. We are born with our bodies, but we must discover our souls.

Unfortunately, in today’s society in which women strive to gain their own foundation, but are often stifled by expectations of their sexuality, of their bodies, of their emotions, it is increasingly difficult to discover one’s self. In this world of political facades, discrimination, materialism, and inequality, transparency can be dangerous. My vulnerability in this piece is given to you, the reader, with the intention to provoke your own associations and to promote conversation about our society.

Growing up, I was conditioned to internally deal with my feelings, to swallow my words, and mute my emotions. This was normal and became unquestionably easy. Getting older, and encountering experiences with greater weight, challenged this silent coping mechanism, so I learned to write. I believe as humans it is a worthwhile endeavor to share the very experiences you may try to forget in an effort to push beyond them and pull up others who may be wrestling their own stories. This is not our duty, however, and should be taken at a healthy pace.

My grandfather, Leonard Robbins, was a man who was essential in the racial integration in public schools of Houston, Texas and who was instrumental in allowing women to even wear pants to school. A story I have often heard of him was of a time he was interviewed about his school board work and my mother, his daughter, watched as he was slapped on live television. Of course, this did not stop him, instead he was provided with one of the first car telephones by police in case of emergencies and pushed forward.

Not only was he dedicated to the story of future generations, but he devoted most of his post-retirement life to creating books of our family’s genealogy. In the books, I am lucky to find the voice of my ancestors – their stories, their relations, the source of my middle names, the people whose lives led to my own.

After he passed, I was able to receive a printed compilation made up of years of his poetry in which he writes of his mental health, of his school board work, of his children. While I always had viewed him as a stoic, quiet grandfather, I see now that he had a mighty voice that comforts me beyond his time on Earth.

A few years before he passed, he pulled me aside and said, “I know it is a pain in the ass, but you should share your voice. I am the same as you, but it is worth it to speak.” I took it at my own pace, but I understand now.

Thank you, Kirby, for sharing your words and voice with us. It is important to be heard.

About the Poet:

Kirby Peterman is a designer, researcher and author residing in Denver, CO. After surviving sexual assault, she has dedicated her life to helping others speak up about and heal from their own experiences. She has organized and hosted events, fundraisers, and give aways that have helped raise money for local non-profit sexual assault centers. Backed with two degrees in neuroscience and psychology, she is currently pursuing her Master’s degree at Jefferson University in Health Communication Design.